was playing the piano.. haven't touched it for damn long, dunno y, started crying playing for a while..i used to enjoy playing the piano, but now,i'm beginning to dislike it..hah. wat's wrong with me..
thinking back, think i've never been truly happy for the past few years, i've been keeping a mask on all these while, hiding my feelings form everyone, including my family.. hah
i haven't been my true self for so long, such that i doubt i'll still be able to remember how to be myself, live for myself, think of myself.. i wish that there isn't so much things to life, wish that there's only me in my own world, wish that..
ever thought wat's life like after death, guess u'll juz disappear, from the face of the world, from everyone else's memories once they start dying too, u'll juz.. disappear, as if u never existed.. such a controversy, u've lived all along juz to be forgotten in the end.. hah, random thought anyway, no need to get too worried bout it, not as if i care. heh.
i miss my childhood, juz thinking bout it recently. everything's so carefree, no worries, happy everyday, except for the occassional beatings when u get too naughty. now, ppl dun even bother, they juz leave u to be, for u to struggle on ur own. after all, u've made it so far, all on ur own, wat's abit longer of struggling? feel that i've been a nuisance at home, screaming at my brother to get off the computer.. think tat i'm juz jealous that he can juz play on and on, not worrying bout anything, even when his exams are coming, while, i can't do the same. i still have my parents to ans to, i can't juz say, i've tried my best, but i still can't do it. they'll condemn me. after all, i've always been the smartest in the family. if i can't do it, hu can? yar, i'm thinking too. but i dun wish to care at all. they've never been interested in my life, except for my studies, studie's everything to them. if not, they'll juz think that i'll be under some bad influence and turn bad, turn wild. i want to, and i will. but shouldn't they be worrying bout my bro instead? my bro whom i haven't been close too since forever, and a sis hu really hates me at home. maybe juz the sight of me irritates them, i wish i'm an only child, or maybe the power to change my life, every single part of it. i haven't cried in a long time.. truly cry, i wanna cry like a baby cries, and then, my parents will come and shower me with love. i wanna be the only attention in their life, i've veen neglected too long. i wanna cry like i've never been, and not have anyone asking me wat's wrong, i wanna cry forever, but there's someone there hu will always know y, what is it that i really want, really crave, really desire. i dunno if there's any such person, if so, pls appear sson, i truly need u now..

the only thing i wan now, is to cry forever, for 1 last time, and live happily ever after.

fairytales never happen

i can only dream